Please Come Find Me
- Hampton Law Firm ⚖️
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
Thoughts Outside the Office
I Am Not Easy to Find. That Is Not the Same as Unavailable.
I have been told that if I stay off Facebook, stop posting pictures of myself, quit announcing where I am, and generally refuse to participate in the online display of single womanhood, I may never have sex again. That seemed like a fairly dramatic consequence for deleting an app, but I did consider the possibility that everyone else understood modern life better than I did. So I tried it their way for a few weeks. I posted a little. I answered direct messages. I made a sincere effort to appear socially present, emotionally reachable, and not entirely opposed to being approached by a man.
It did not suit me.
I do not enjoy posting photographs for the purpose of reminding people that I am still attractive. I do not want to announce that I am drinking wine alone, sitting at a bar, spending the weekend somewhere, or wearing something that might inspire a man to suddenly remember how a telephone works. I do not want to arrange my life into small, flattering pieces and place them online like bait. I already spend enough time advertising a law firm. I am not also creating a marketing strategy for my own sex life.
And I am not the woman you are going to impress by ordering from the top shelf. I do not care what the bottle costs, who knows your name when you walk in, whether your truck is new, or whether your watch requires its own insurance policy. Flashy things have never held my attention for very long. I am far more likely to notice whether you are funny without being obnoxious, confident without performing, intelligent without announcing it, and capable of speaking to a woman without first liking six of her pictures and sending a message that contains nothing but “hey.”
I am not saying I dislike wine. I like wine very much. I am simply unlikely to be holding it under flattering lighting while someone photographs me pretending not to notice. I am probably drinking it at home, barefoot, with my hair clipped up, reviewing a document I should have finished hours ago and wondering why every child in my house becomes desperately thirsty the moment I sit down. There is no velvet rope, no bottle service, no mysterious caption, and no strategically visible empty seat beside me. There is, however, a very real woman who would still like to have sex again before the subject begins requiring continuing education credits.
That is the important part, because I do not want my refusal to advertise confused with a lack of interest. I have not taken a vow of celibacy. I have not become morally opposed to pleasure. I have not decided that romance, attraction, or sex should be permanently replaced by work, motherhood, and falling asleep with my laptop open. I remain interested. Very interested, actually. I am simply not willing to stand in the middle of Facebook waving a digital flag that says, “Single, occasionally available, and still remembers what to do.”
The difficulty is that I am not especially easy to find. I work too much. I have children. I may be in court, at the office, at the grocery store, in a bookstore, driving somewhere alone because I suddenly decided I needed to leave town, or sitting in a hotel bar enjoying the rare experience of nobody asking me for anything. I may answer a direct message, but I am not going to build an entire online presence around making sure men know I am available. At some point, a grown man may have to become resourceful.
That does not mean hunting me down like a missing witness. It means paying attention. It means being willing to ask, to speak, to take a chance, or to send a message containing an actual thought. It means understanding that I may not be where everyone else is looking, and that this is intentional. I am not hiding because I am afraid to be found. I am simply no longer placing myself where anyone can find me without effort.
I tried the constant visibility. I tried being more available online. I tried answering the messages and participating in the strange modern custom of publicly demonstrating that I still possess a face, a body, and an interest in adult companionship. It felt forced, and I did not like the version of myself it required. So I am done with that experiment.
I am still here. I am still interested. I am still capable of noticing a man, flirting with him, wanting him, and making decisions that have absolutely nothing to do with statutes, children, deadlines, or whether anyone remembered to return a client’s call. I just will not be broadcasting the opportunity.
You may have to look for me. You may have to be clever. You may have to be brave enough to speak first and interesting enough to keep me listening. But I am out there.
And for the sake of complete honesty, I hope somebody finds me sooner rather than later.
So yes... this is your sign.
The signal has been sent.
The location has not.
Figure the rest out.
Judith L. Hampton
Attorney at Law
Hampton Law Firm
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