Speaking Terms: The Lord Has Had to Reintroduce Me to Patience Several Times

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I have never been especially gifted at waiting.

I wish I could tell you that I am one of those people who receives a setback, takes a deep breath, folds her hands, and calmly says, “Well, I trust God’s timing.” There are certainly days I aspire to be that woman. But more often, I am the woman asking God whether He has checked the calendar lately, because I have a few things I would like resolved immediately.

I do not enjoy unanswered questions. I do not enjoy delays. I do not enjoy being told that something will happen “when the time is right,” especially when I have already made what I believe to be a perfectly reasonable plan for how it could all be handled by Thursday.

Patience has never come naturally to me. I like movement. I like answers. I like a next step, a backup plan, a list, a solution, and preferably a little confirmation that I am headed in the right direction. Sitting still while life feels uncertain has never been my strongest spiritual gift.

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There may have been a time or two in my life when I got so overwhelmed that I swept everything off my desk. I am not saying it was the most mature response. I am simply saying that, in that particular moment, it was deeply stress relieving.

The coworker standing next to me did not find it nearly as therapeutic as I did. She was not especially impressed by the dramatic desk-clearing, the sudden noise, or the fact that I apparently believed office supplies needed to become airborne before we could move forward.

She laughs about it now.

I do too, mostly because it is a very accurate picture of who I have always been when I feel like life is moving too slowly. I have never been particularly good at doing things quietly. I do not quietly worry. I do not quietly form opinions. I do not quietly become frustrated when I cannot make something happen on my own timetable.

I have been known to pace. I have been known to talk too fast. I have been known to tell God exactly what I think should happen next, as though He might have overlooked an important detail in the plan.

“Lord, I know You have a purpose, but I also have some suggestions.”

The truth is, I have spent a great deal of my life confusing patience with doing nothing. I thought waiting meant I had failed to act. I thought surrender meant I had given up. I thought faith meant I was supposed to feel peaceful every second of the process.

But I do not think that is what God has been teaching me at all.

Sometimes patience is not passive. Sometimes patience is doing every single thing you can do, being faithful with the responsibilities already in front of you, and then refusing to force the part you cannot control. It is making the call, signing the paperwork, showing up for work, taking care of your children, saying the prayer, and then admitting that the outcome is not yours to manufacture.

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That is hard for people like me.

Because I can usually come up with an idea. I can usually find a way forward. I can usually build a plan out of a mess, open fifteen mental tabs at once, and locate a next step before most

people have finished explaining the problem. Those things have served me well in life. But there are seasons when no amount of planning can produce the answer you want.

There are times when God does not hand you the map. He simply asks you to take the next right step without demanding to know where the road ends.

I have had to learn that God is not asking me to become quiet, passive, or less myself. He made me with a mind that moves quickly, a heart that feels deeply, and enough opinions to fill a room. He knows I am going to ask questions. He knows I am going to want answers. He knows I may occasionally be one inconvenience away from considering another desk sweep.

But He is also teaching me that I do not have to control every outcome to survive it.

I can be frustrated and faithful at the same time. I can be tired and still trust Him. I can ask God hard questions without being afraid that He will stop listening. I can bring Him the unedited version of my thoughts—the impatient version, the worried version, the “I really do not understand what You are doing here” version—and still be on speaking terms with Him.

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That may be what faith looks like for me right now.

Not perfect peace every day. Not a polished prayer whispered from a perfectly organized life. Not pretending I am delighted by every delay or that I have suddenly become a woman who enjoys waiting.

It looks more like continuing the conversation.

It looks like saying, “Lord, I do not like this. I do not understand this. I would prefer an answer now. But I am still here, and I am still talking to You.”

And maybe that is patience after all.

Not silence. Not resignation. Not pretending the waiting does not hurt.

Just trusting that God can handle my questions, my opinions, my dramatic moments, and all the things I am still learning to release. He has had to reintroduce me to patience several times, and I have a feeling He may have to do it again.

But I am learning.

Slowly. Loudly. Probably with a few more opinions than necessary.

But I am learning.

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Judith L. Hampton

Attorney-at-Law

Hampton Law Firm